Your Day Is Coming
by dawseycfd
Summary: Gabriela Dawson and Matthew Casey just miscarried with their first child. How will they deal with this tragic event, and will it make them stronger?
1. Chapter 1

I lay in my hospital bed, staring at nothing. I feel beyond upset. The sadness has not gone away, nor will it for a while. I feel an enormous amount of anger, and if I was in a better condition I would probably be chucking something at the wall. My feelings are jumbled and screwed up, and all this happiness that I've felt past months is gone.

I still have Matt, I know that. I want to be with him and he said he wanted to be with me. While I was pregnant, I had this feeling that he only got back together with me because of the baby. Earlier though, he told me that even though we lost the baby, he still wanted me.

He seems calm, yet I know in the inside he's probably just as confused and as angry as I am. He has put on a brave face for me, and I'm so appreciative. He was there for me when I broke down in his arms. He was there for me when I told him about my suspicions as to why we were back together. He was there for me while I cried my eyes out watching Herrmann's video. He has been there for me completely today, and I'm so grateful.

Matt went to go get us food, although I'm nowhere near hungry. Dr. Halstead checked in on me not too long ago and told me that I should eat something. I still am trying to process what happened, and the thoughts of no longer starting a family with Matt makes me sick to my stomach. All this time I've been picturing moving into a house with him. Fixing it up. Raising a kid with him and together Matt and I would grow old together.

It's crazy that in a blink of an eye, that is all gone from me. It's been four hours since I found out, yet the same thoughts keep coming back to me. The look on Matt's face when I told him I was pregnant. That night we spent together afterwards. The happiness both of us have been feeling since we found out we were going to be parents. And all those thoughts make me so upset. The need to vomit is still there. My stomach hurts, my whole lower region hurts from the surgery, and my head is aching.

I don't want Matt to see me in this condition. The only other times he's seen me like this was when Jones and Shay died. I don't like the idea of being vulnerable, yet I can't help but be it right now. I can be brave, heck everyday on calls I am. But when it comes to my personal life, I get scared easy. I mean, this is a big weight for me.

I continue to stare at the wall, still thinking about these last hours. I used to be a paramedic for quite some time, and when I felt those sharp pains, I knew something was wrong with the baby. I had been up close to people who miscarried, but I never thought I would experience one myself. When being rushed to surgery, Matt told me that we would both be fine, and even though we knew that was most likely not the case, I still clung to some of that hope. Now, that's none.

My thoughts are interrupted by Matt, who enters the room with food. "Hey," he whispers, walking over to my bedside. Ever since my breakdowns, he's tried to be supportive. Yet, I know that he doesn't quite know what to say to me. He doesn't know what to say about what happened. We haven't really talked about it, all we've talked about is our relationship.

He doesn't dare ask me how I am, we both know the answer. Instead, he takes my hand and rubs it gently. He leaves the food on the table, and I have a feeling that neither of us will be eating for a while. Tears start to fall from my eyes, and I can't help it. This is just too much for me to hold in. This weight is too heavy for me.

Matt notices and whispers gently, "Talk to me." What do I say? I have so much on my mind, and I'm not really sure I can explain it. I want to tell him that this is too much. That I need him so bad. That I feel so numb and sad and angry. Tears keep streaming down my face and I choke out, "Why me," before I start to break down once more.

Matt calmly says, "Gabby," trying to get my attention. I can't stop myself from crying and I'm shaking now. The nausea has become too much and I mutter, "Trash can," while pointing towards one. "Matt must understand because he quickly finds the one next to us and hands it to me.

I start to vomit uncontrollably. I'm sobbing and throwing up and shaking so bad. I may be having a panic attack as well. My heads spinning and I can barely see due to all the tears in my eyes. Matt comes to my side and holds my hair up for me. I can't see him, but I'm sure he has no idea what to do. I wouldn't be surprised if he was crying as well.

"Why," I keep repeating as I empty out my stomach. I'm coughing and my nose is running and I can't think straight. After I'm done throwing up, I mutter nonsense, starting to become out of it. I've never felt this way before. I've never been in this position before.

Matt grabs the bucket from me and puts it off to the side. Then, as I continue to sob, he wraps his arms around me tightly. This is the second huge breakdown I've had today, but this one is worse. Now, I've accepted my miscarriage, and now I'm crying for all that I've lost. For the bright future that we were going to have.

He attempts to calm me down as he rubs my back. He keeps muttering calm words to calm me down, and slowly, I start trying to take deep breathes. "It's okay," he whispers in my ear and I wipe some tears from my eyes. I'm still shaking, but I am much calmer than I was moments ago. I open my eyes and I look up at him.

There aren't tears, I'm sure he's trying to stay brave. I know that if he was crying, I would break down again, and he doesn't want that. There's sadness in his eyes, a whole lot of it. There's anger as well. He keeps holding me tightly as I try to calm down from what I'm sure was a panic attack.

When he notices that I finally have stopped sobbing and that I have finally allowed myself to look up at him, he whispers, "Gabriela," with a tiny, but apparent smile on his face. He's trying to make me feel better, and I can't help but let out a small laugh. He knows that I love when he calls me Gabriela, since I'm rarely called by my full name. "Gabriela," he says again, and I smile and whisper, "I'm sorry."

Matt just shakes his head and says, "Don't apologize. I know it's hard for you. I'm here for you, always." Then, he kisses me forehead and we lay in each other's arms for god knows how long. After a while, my tears stop falling and I'm not shaking anymore. I'm feeling better and it's all thanks to Matt.

"You know that I love you," he says quietly, breaking the silence. I nod my head softly as it rests on his chest. "I love you too," I choke out, completely meaning it. It's true. I fell in love with Matt way before we started dating, and I was still in love with him after we broke up. Right now, nothing makes sense in my world, except for him. Being with Matt, that's what makes sense to me.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

After laying with Matt for a while, Matt begs me to eat some food. It's pretty late now, almost nine p.m., and I haven't eaten a thing all day. "Please Gabs," Matt says, holding the food out for me. I'm still not hungry nor do I want to eat. "For me," he adds, trying to guilt trip me into eating.

I sigh and finally say, "fine." This causes him to grin and he pulls up a chair next to me. Then, he pulls out the food that he got earlier along with some paper plates. I look and see that he got me a hamburger and some fries from Molly's along with some wings for himself. "Molly's burger, your favorite," he says.

It's true, I love a good burger from the bar I co-own, but no matter what the food being served to me is, I'm still not hungry. He pulls forward the small table that hovers over my hospital bed and places the plate for me. He then grabs some napkins for both of us.

I just stare at the plate of food, not wanting to go anywhere near it. I still don't feel well and my head still hurts. While Matt was laying with me, one of the nurses came in to check on me. She took care of the trash can and gave me some pain killers through my IV. The pain is starting to go away, but the meds are making me extremely tired.

No one has visited me since my surgery except for Matt and my brother Antonio. My parents haven't come yet, but they called and said they would probably stop by tomorrow. Everyone is worried about me, I know, but I'm thankful that they've given me some time before coming to see me. I'm a mess and the only people I would ever allow to see me like this are Antonio and Matt.

Dr. Halstead told me that I could probably leave the day after tomorrow. They want to monitor me to make sure that I am not still bleeding from the miscarriage. Besides, I had a major surgery earlier today. From what he's said as well, I'll be out from work for the rest of this week and all of next week. Matt told me that I have my spot back on truck, but right now that doesn't matter to me.

I look over at Matt, who's staring at me. "C'mon, Gabby," he says, starting to eat his food. I sigh once more and slowly grab for my burger. Matt just keeps staring at me, so I take a small bite and swallow. Then, I place the rest back on the plate. "Happy?" I ask, a bit annoyed. He responds, "You gotta eat more, Gabs. Please?"

So, unwillingly, I eat the whole burger. By the time I finish, I feel a bit better, like I have more energy. I guess I didn't realize how much I needed to eat until I was actually eating. Matt finished his food too and cleaned up for us. By the time we finished dinner, it was around 9:30.

I'm not sure if Matt's staying the night or not. I mean we are together, but I'm not sure just where we stand. Is he going to stay and support me all night? I hope so because I already can't stand hospitals, and I don't want to be alone. He has shift tomorrow, so he is probably going to go home and get some rest.

"It's getting late and you have shift tomorrow. You should go home," I say, waiting for a response. Matt doesn't get out of his seat, he just studies me and responds, "Are you kidding?" Confused, I ask, "What do you mean?" He takes my hand and squeezes.

"I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying here with you until you get out of here," he answered, seeming to be shocked by the fact that I thought he might leave. This is why I love Matt. He's just so damn supportive and knows how to make me feel better. He's never once judged me and no matter what I'm going through, he's there. That's why I have no doubt that I was to marry him. We haven't talked about where we stand in terms of our engagement, but I figure that we'll get there soon.

"Don't you have shift though?" I ask him and shrugs. "Boden gave me the next few shifts off. Sorry, babe, but I guess I'm just gonna have to care for you," he jokes, a small grin appearing on his face. I giggle slightly and say, "That's going to be weird." Puzzled, he asks, "Why is that?"

"It's just, I'm the ex-paramedic. I've always had to do the caring for. And plus, I had to care for you for weeks after your head injury." Back when Matt hurt his head badly, I stayed at his place and looked after him. That was back when we first started dating though, a lot has changed since. We aren't that carefree couple who was still in their honeymoon stage of dating.

Matt thinks for a second and says, "I guess you're right." Then, he hesitates for a second, before asking, "You're still living with Kelly and I, right?" It's true, after I told Matt I was pregnant, he asked me to move back in, and I was more than happy to. Maybe Matt thinks I don't feel the same way he does about his relationship. I do though. I want a future with him.

So, I smile and say, "If that offer still stands, of course." This causes Matt to smile and he squeezes my hand. "Good, because I want you to so bad!" Silence fills the room for a second, but Matt finally says, "You're gonna be okay, you know that? I mean, we are." He sounds completely positive, and I don't hear any bullshit in his voice. Not like when he told me that we would both be fine before going into surgery. And I believe it. I know it's going to take a while, but I think that we will find our happiness.

I'm still upset about the baby, but I need to believe in something. And thinking about Matt, that makes me feel better. Happier. "You believe that?" I ask him, wanting to see his response. He nods his head right away, "I really do, Gabby."

I need to talk to him about us. I've been thinking about it since I told him I was pregnant and I need to know where we stand. If he wants to, I am more than willing to put the ring back on and marry him. I wasn't lying that day when I told him that the answer was always yes.

"Where do we stand?" I ask him, my voice shaking a bit as I ask him. Matt takes in what I'm saying and he says, "I'm not sure, honestly. I mean I know we have a lot of issues to work out, but I just know that I want to be with you." Once again I don't hear any bullshit in his voice when he tells me this.

"But what are we? Engaged? Or just dating?" I ask him, needing an answer. Matt thinks about it for a second and carefully responds, "Well, I want to marry you, Gabby. I really do. Do you think our engagement could work this time?"

I really do. I've thought long and hard about our issues. About him being my Lieutenant. I know what I did wrong this time and I know that we can make it work. I'm not sure what will happen in terms of our wedding, but I want that ring back on my finger. I want that promise that we'll be "Matt and Gabby" forever.

"I do, Matt. God, my life's so screwed up right now. Well, I guess both of ours. I'm confused right now, but I do know that I just want to be yours again. I want to marry you so bad, Matt!" I admit, not regretting a word.

I look up at his face and notice a huge smile. "Then," he says, trying to contain his excitement in his voice. "Gabriela Dawson, will you marry me? Again?" I laugh and tears start to fall from my face. For the first time today, they're happy tears. "Yes, Matt! I've never wanted something so bad!" I exclaim.

Matt leans in and kisses me passionately. Our lips part so Matt can whisper, "I love you so much, Gabby. We're going to be okay, I promise." I don't even respond, I just attach my lips back to his. After we pull apart, I move over a little so Matt can lay in bed next to me.

Nothing's going to be easy. We have a lot to work out and I have a lot to get over. I'm going to need time to grief and become okay again. This was a step forward and I truly believe that Matt and I will be okay. Right now, I just need to think good thoughts. I've had too many bad ones throughout today.


End file.
